Thank you, The Don’t Look Back in Angora Sweater Shoppe, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we heard about “speech fasting,” the idea that people are better off if they don’t talk before noon. (Some people are better off if they don’t talk before or after noon, but that’s a discussion for another time. Soon, but not today.) And we thought, we should try…that…umm…starting now.
We heard there were great health benefits to – dammit! Okay, speech fasting, starting…now.
Too many people are afraid of silence, you know, and will fill it with any old nonse – dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Speech fasting! Starting…oh, fuck it!
Silence is overrated.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Who Could Doubt The Results Of An Internal Investigation?
Other Than Anybody Who Has Been Paying Attention, We Mean
Seven aid workers from chef Jose Andres’ World Central Kitchen were killed by an Israeli rocket attack while trying to supply starving Gazans with food.
The Israeli government’s response to criticism of the attack was, “It was a mistake. We didn’t know who they were.”
Chef Andres pointed out that the vehicles were clearly marked, and that the Israeli government had been given the time and route of the aid convoy days in advance. “Did we say we didn’t know who they were?” the Israeli government responded. “Sorry. Our bad. Actually, the convoy was attacked by IDF soldiers because it carried a Hamas agent. That’s it. Bad guy on board. They may as well have had one of those stickers with silhouettes of a family carrying assault rifles on their window!”
Chef Andres pointed out that WCK has carried out humanitarian aid missions throughout the world, including in Israel, and has never been accused of harbouring combatants. “Oh. That, hunh?” the Israeli government grumpily allowed. “Well, then, we mean, we don’t know what went wrong – we guess we’ll just have to have an investigation to find out…”
Can’t wait to see how well that goes!
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2024Apr06.html]
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If We Learned Nothing From Lady Macbeth, It Is That No Amount Of Washing Will Get Rid Of That Stain!
According to Senator Lindsey Graham, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is responsible for the rise in youth mental disorders caused by their overuse of Facebook. “You have blood on your hands,” Graham said.
According to Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, Lindsay Graham is responsible for the January 6 insurrection on the Capitol because of his support for former President Donald Trump. “You have blood on your hands,” Zuckerberg said.
So, it’s all a wash, then?
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/news/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1686749274800263.xml]
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What If I Said Something Like: “After Donald Trump’s Brain Melts Down, The Republican Party Will Renounce Trumpism?”
Oh, Well, It Was Worth A Shot…
Self-fulfilling prophecy: any statement that leads to itself becoming true. EXAMPLE: “Right-wingers believe that governments run by experts don’t do anything for them. So, they elect people with no experience at governing, people who are so incompetent that they can’t do anything for anybody. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!”
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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It’s The Ones Who Sigh Wistfully That You Most Have To Watch Out For
First, Israel exchanged fire with Hezbollah across the Lebanon border. Then, Israel bombed the Iranian consulate in Syria. What the hell is going on?
“The war in Gaza has been great,” Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu sighed wistfully, “but sooner or later it will come to an end. Then, what will happen to Israel? What will happen to me? I’m just…looking after my…people’s future. Isn’t that what a great leader does?”
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1298837151595]
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Not That The Streets Were Ever Safe For The Homeless…
Or Indigenous People…
Or Transexuals…
But I Guess You Have To Start Somewhere…
Ontario Premier Doug Ford has tried to quell public panic over a Superior Court ruling that gutted the Safe Streets Act.
“Not to worry,” the premier prowled (he tried to purr, but it came out a growl), “we have lots of ways of criminalizing poverty.”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2024/04/03/509727.html]
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Whose Side Are You On?
Please Don’t Say – The Genocide?
You Had To Go There, Hunh?
Genocide has serious negative connotations; it’s got so bad that politicians risk their careers by merely suggesting in public that they support it. Given the hostile environment, you have to admire the way Republican officials have embraced their inner genocidal maniac.
Republican officials like Representative Max “Mad” Miller. Parking lots are notoriously bad places to try and raise a family: they don’t usually have day care…or places to buy food or water…or roofs. Miller doesn’t directly advocate killing all the Palestinians in Gaza; if they don’t want to live in a parking lot, they could just…move. Somewhere. Either way, his intentions for the residents of Gaza fit the United Nations definition of genocide, so…good for him for being so brave and honest?
Republican officials like Representative Lindsay “Cracker” Graham, whose moral compass seems set on permanent spin since the death of his sensei John McCain. Graham doesn’t have the imagination to employ metaphors like “parking lots,” so his admonition to, “Level the place” will have to suffice.
Republican officials like Representative Brian “Half-” Mast: it takes a very special kind of person to argue that newborns are not innocent. A genocidal kind of person. But that’s just a diversion, because he soon returns to the theme of destroying the infrastructure that people require to live. Because people living is not on the top of his agenda. Or anywhere on his agenda, as far as anybody can tell.
In a political world where “brave” often equates with “career suicide,” it is heartening to see politicians willing to take an unpopular, some might say inhumane, stand. And when I say heartening, I mean appalling.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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The Bottom Of The Barrel Is The Place You Can Find The Most…Aromatic Scrapings
According to reporting (and judging from his social media posts), former President Donald Trump’s lawyers are considering a motion to recuse Judge Juan Merchan from his New York hush money case because the jurist has better hair.
“I cannot go into court with a judge whose hair is better than mine,” Trump wrote on Truth Antisocial. “It will prejudice the case against me, AND he’ll look better in drawings by the court artist. SO UNFAIR! ELECTION INTERFERENCE!! HELP ME, LANDRU!!! HELP ME!!!!”
Legal experts have suggested that Trump is scraping the bottom of the trial delay barrel with this one.
SOURCE: The Legal Unintelligibler
[https://www.law.com/thelegalUnintelligibler/2024/04/03/gotta-love-those-original-series-references]
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